This morning I came dangerously close to reaping the consequences of my anger. I was crossing the street on this rainy Portland morning and saw a car out of the corner of my eye ... I thought "they'll slow down, I'm a pedestrian!" ... well, they didn't. The guy came within two feet of me and laid on his horn. Well, being a pedestrian, and having a right to cross the street at whatever pace I choose, I kicked the car. "Who does he think he is?! Doesn't he know I'm John?!"
Bad idea. He laid on his brakes and I could see right through the window ... two young men, mid twenties jumped out of the car and started yelling profanities and big threats. They both came charging at me and I thought "oh crap, that guy looks like he can punch real hard!" and started backing up. They both were aggressively charging at me and I was backing up ... terrified.
This yelling went on for a minute or two and I started realizing to myself "hey, if these guys were gonna do anything, they'd have done it by now". The smaller of the two guys (still bigger than me) came up to me while the driver examined his door, still yelling profanities at me. When the passenger approached, I looked at him and shoved him away from me. Then they both came charging again, so I dialed 911. It was more of a hopeful deterrent than anything ... by the time the cops got there to protect and serve, I would need an ambulance if anything was actually gonna happen. But it seemed to work. They gave me about ten feet of space, all the while yelling at me while I'm on the phone with the police.
Then my bus came and boy was I relieved to see it! I was so relieved that I got cocky. I looked at the two guys and smiled and said something to the effect of "have a nice day, guys. Don't be late to work!" How arrogant of me. Why did this happen? Is it because I kicked their car? Is it because they were "tough guys"? No. It happened because I believed I have the right to be wherever I am at whatever time I want to be there. "This is my road, don't they know that?"
I truly failed today. Not only did I act inappropriately, but I realized that not a single prayer went up. In that moment of decision, I chose to believe in what was happening ... not what my (my?) God can do to protect me. I'd like to examine myself this morning. My goal is to apply the knowledge I have of Scripture regarding anger and personal rights.
The book of Proverbs says this:
Proverbs 16.5 Everyone who is proud in heart is an abomination to the LORD; Assuredly, he will not be unpunished.
Proverbs 21.4 Haughty eyes and a proud heart,
The lamp of the wicked, is sin.
21.4 Evil people are proud and arrogant,
but sin is the only crop they produce.
15.25 The LORD tears down the house of the proud but maintains the widow's boundaries.
16:18 Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.
Job 40.11-13
11 Show your furious anger!
Throw down and crush
12 all who are proud and evil.
13 Wrap them in grave clothes
and bury them together
in the dusty soil.
But God never instructs us in His Word not to do something without offering a positive alternative. A beneficial solution:
Proverbs 14.3 In the mouth of the foolish is a rod for his back,
But the lips of the wise will protect them.
Psalm 101.5 Whoever secretly slanders his neighbor, him I will destroy;
No one who has a haughty look and an arrogant heart will I endure.
Psalm 101.6 My eyes shall be upon the faithful of the land, that they may dwell with me;
He who walks in a blameless way is the one who will minister to me.
Colossians 1.9-14
9 For this reason also, since the day we heard of it, we have not ceased to pray for you and to ask that you may be filled with the knowledge of His will in all spiritual wisdom and understanding,10 so that you will walk in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God; 11 strengthened with all power, according to His glorious might, for the attaining of all steadfastness and patience; joyously 12 giving thanks to the Father, who has qualified us to share in the inheritance of the saints in Light.13 For He rescued us from the domain of darkness, and transferred us to the kingdom of His beloved Son, 14 in whom we have redemption, the forgiveness of sins.
...
21 And although you were formerly alienated and hostile in mind, engaged in evil deeds, 22 yet He has now reconciled you in His fleshly body through death, in order to present you before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach-- 23 if indeed you continue in the faith firmly established and steadfast, and not moved away from the hope of the gospel that you have heard, which was proclaimed in all creation under heaven
Paul prayed for the Colossian church to be filled with the knowledge of His will so they would walk in a manner worthy of the Lord (v10). Then he reminds them (us) to give thanks to the Father. To give thanks to Him for He has transferred us from darkness to Light, so we no longer are condemned. We are redeemed and forgiven! I am forgiven! This incident was a lesson. I know this now. Look at vs 21-23. They further encourage me that although I may have fallen here, I have been reconciled through death. I WILL BE presented before Him holy and blameless and beyond reproach. And not if I continue in "good works" ... but what? If I continue IN FAITH (in what?) in the gospel that I heard. What is the gospel? Paul tells us that it is a righteousness that is given to us from God.
Romans 1.16-17
16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. 17 For in it the righteousness of God is revealed from faith to faith; as it is written, "BUT THE RIGHTEOUS man SHALL LIVE BY FAITH."
Hebrews 12:6 For the Lord disciplines the one he loves, and chastises every son whom he receives.
I was disciplined, or taught about my pride through this. I was shown my erroneous attitude, as I myself show my son (though not perfectly, as my Father in heaven).Proverbs 3:11-12
11 My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline or be weary of his reproof,
12 for the LORD reproves him whom he loves, as a father the son in whom he delights.
I know my heart is heading in the right direction as well because of God's Word:
Proverbs 12:1 Whoever loves discipline loves knowledge, but he who hates reproof is stupid.
I indeed delight in this discipline. I desire to be rid of my pride once and for all. I truly believe I am one step closer because of this. However, I shall be cautious of becoming proud of my humility. Spiritual pride is deceptive.Lord, forgive me for my pride. I acknowledge it is sin and know it is not pleasing to You. I know you have placed my sin on your Son at the cross. I have died with Him that day. I have been buried with Him and risen in baptism. Thank you that you have forgiven me. I thank you, LORD, that you have taken this opportunity to teach me about myself. You've shown me my pride (something I indeed did pray for just the other day), and you've shown me my faith in You is not as strong as I thought. Lord, please increase my faith and decrease my pride. I thank You for Your faithfulness and compassion.
